Have you ever felt unwelcome to a place ! I have, this is my story..

I hope most of of you might have felt unwelcome sometime or the other in your life. It may be in your personal or professional life. If you ask me, I was unwelcome to this world. Yes, you read it right! I wasn’t welcomed to this world.

Just as every other toddler, I grew up to be curious & question everything around me. Neither could I find childhood picture of mine being less than a year old nor pictures of my first birthday. However, I could see pictures of my sister & other cousins. 

When I asked for my picture, I was told “You know Priyanka, the entire house was so disappointed when you were born. No one wanted to come to the hospital to visit you”. The disappointment was being born as the second girl child of the family. 

In those days, they even had chance of knowing the gender some or the other way during the pregnancy. Once they came to know my gender, an appointment was fixed at the hospital to proceed for an abortion, when I was just 5 month old foetus. At the last moment, my mom decided to not to go ahead. It really feels daunting to know I have  been at the verge of “life or death”. 

Being a kid, these things hardly mattered to me and life went on & on. The biggest realization of not being welcome, struck when I was 10. That’s when I lost my father. Be it the funeral or at the post funeral gatherings, I could see & hear people, tell my mother, “You should have stopped with one child, now another girl child is unnecessary burden on you. Not sure how you are going to manage”. This was not just one instance , at many times , in many ways I could hear this talk going around. 

I had no control of choosing my gender, I had no control of my father’s death. But, still I was seen as the cause of grief & burden. This was when I decided not be a burden & always be on my own. 

As a kid, it was not possible to be so in all ways , but I tried in whatever way possible. I started replacing my father when it came to outdoor work. Purchase of groceries, bringing the carpenter, plumber & electrician for household work and whatever work remained outdoor. By the time, I was 15, I was quite well versed with most of the outdoor work of the family. In every phase of life, my only priority was “not being the burden”.

Now that, I have crossed that phase of my life & on my own, what is the learning that I take from this ? It’s so easy to point to others and say , “You made my life miserable” , “Had you treated me well, my life would have been better” , “Society is the reason for every grief”. But, who is this society, it is each one of us, who make this society. Any change we expect in others should begin from within. I did get a chance to be the change. 

In the year 2022, we found out that we are expecting a baby. As soon as we broke the news to everyone, the guessing of the gender begins ! The only thing I told myself was, “ I can’t control what others say & feel, the only thing I can promise the baby is that there will be unconditional love from me & daddy “. I was very sure not to let the baby go through anything that I went through. I wanted the baby to listen to stories of joy and excitement of being welcomed to the family. 

A special mention of my FIL who shared similar views. Just before I was admitted in the hospital for my delivery, I had a brief call with him. He told me , he will welcome this baby with a lot of prayers & blessings. He told me “You are a lioness & the baby is also going to be fierce, be it a lion or lioness”. After this, I told my hubby, to first call his father once the baby is born. I wanted the news to be shared to someone who would heart fully welcome the baby. As you can see, I was very particular about the baby being received happily. 

Now, “The Moment” had arrived, I had a C section and I was in full consciousness to see the baby come to this world. My doctor told me that he will be applying fundal pressure in sometime & the baby will be out in next few seconds. I didn’t even have a minute , just seconds in my hand, I could already hear the baby’s cry. In all that hurry, I closed my eyes and told this “ Baby I don’t know how you are going to be tall, short, fair, dusky, small, big, boy, girl , whoever you are I’m there for you, I’m there”. 

Then, the doctor showed the baby’s face to me & said “It’s a girl, she is born on my birthday & in the same hospital as me, Congratulations”. It was the birthday of the doctor who carried out my surgery, I was in my recovery room and there were sweets & cake being distributed to all the staff & nurses for his birthday. He told everyone “This is for my birthday & the little one who just arrived”. At that moment I felt, “ This universe conspires, it gives you exactly what you asked for”. Her arrival was celebrated at my recovery room itself! 

From that minute till now, I had made sure to make her feel that her life is so precious to me. Every baby deserves to be celebrated & deserves to be loved. We somehow believe, that the baby brings happiness to the family, but I think “It’s the baby that deserves happiness from the family, because it’s we who chose to bring it to the world” 

My daughter Sarah’s childhood is the way I found to heal my childhood wounds.  At the end, it takes just one person, to break generational patterns and give a new legacy to the family. I’m trying each day to be that “one person” , hoping god sides by me!